I recently finished reading a book that inspired me to write this article. The book is called Grit by Angela Duckworth. The book has become very popular and a lot of people are now talking about grit and how to become grittier.
It seems like everyone wants to become grittier, and I don’t blame them. Research shows that grit is one of the most common characteristics of successful people. Of course, this should come as no surprise. We all know that achieving success isn’t easy and that one must have the mental fortitude to persevere through challenges.
I often associate grit with mental strength. In fact, I think “mental strength” is a broader more encompassing term.
However, I will use mental strength and grit interchangeably in this article.
Perhaps no other trait is more important for success than mental strength. In fact, researchers believe that mental strength out weights intelligence and talent when it comes to high achievement.
Whether it’s your level of health, fitness, education, career, or relationships, success in any of these areas requires grit.
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No Matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett
So, what can we do to develop our mental strength?
Well, there are several ways to develop mental strength. For instance, you can establish a daily habit like meditating for 10 minute every morning. Now, the key is to practice this ritual every day. That’s where mental strength comes in to play.
Consistency and discipline require mental strength. Anytime you develop a healthy habit and practice it consistently, you are developing your mental strength.
Notice how I said, “healthy habit”. This is because it’s often more difficult and requires more mental strength to develop healthy habits as opposed to unhealthy habits.
For instance, it would require a great level of discipline to wake up at 5am every morning and go jogging. It wouldn’t require as much discipline to have a Big Mac every day for lunch.
I could go on, but for this article I am going to cover mental strength from a different angle. If you would like to learn more about how to develop mental strength click here.
In this article I’m going to discuss the things that mentally strong people DON’T do. Here are the 7 things that mentally strong people DON’T do:
Mentally strong people don’t waste time feeling sorry for themselves. They understand the value of time and they know that wasting time on self-pity isn’t going to help them achieve their goals. In fact, feeling sorry for yourself will only hold you back.
If you spend your time only focusing on the problem, you won’t figure out a solution. The best way to move forward is to take one step at a time. Don’t waste time throwing yourself a pity party. You might not be able to change your situation or problem, but you can change your attitude.
Mentally strong people face their problems head on and take ownership of their lives. They don’t allow their current situation to define who they are or what they can achieve in life.
So, next time you start to feel sorry for yourself, shift your attention to something positive and productive. Accomplish something that will make you feel good. Even if it’s something small, just do it.
Remember your not alone. Life is hard and difficult and things are going to happen that are out of our control. The only thing that we can control is how we react to what life throws at us. Keep going, be nice to yourself and know that you’re not alone.
“Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition, is not only a waste of energy but the worst possible habit you could have.” – Dale Carnegie
Mentally strong people are not afraid to fail. In fact, they embrace it. They see failure as a learning opportunity. Without failures we wouldn’t know what NOT to do.
If everything always went our way and we never failed at anything, life would be pretty dull.
View every failure as an opportunity to learn and grow. Failure is simply feedback and feedback is extremely valuable. Would you get upset every time someone replied to one of your emails? I hope not.
Feedback can be either good or bad, either way it’s always important.
You can’t become great without failure. The most successful people on earth fail constantly. Jeff Bezos, who is one of the richest people on earth, makes failing normal and safe at his company Amazon.
“If the size of your failures isn’t growing, you’re not going to be inventing at a size that can actually move the needle.” – Jeff Bezos
If your worries about what others might think if you fail, don’t worry. People don’t focus on your failures, they focus on your wins. You need to literally fail your way to success.
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm” -Winston Churchill
Mentally strong people embrace failures and know that it’s inevitable, it’s simply a part of life. When they fail, they take stock of what worked and what didn’t. They use their failure as an opportunity to optimize their process.
Next time you fail, see it as an opportunity. Write down everything that worked and everything that didn’t work. Turn this into a habit and you will soon see your failures as a necessary and important part of business and life.
Personally, this was a big one for me. I’ve been a people pleaser for most of my life. However, a few years ago I decided that I needed to stop caring about what other people thought about me. In all honesty, I’ve made a lot of progress but I’m still working on it.
A lot of people try to make other people happy instead of focusing on making themselves happy. This is largely because they don’t want to be perceived as selfish. It’s not selfish, it’s selfcare. It’s caring about yourself and how you think of yourself.
Mentally strong people don’t try to please everyone. They focus on being their own authentic self and if people don’t like it, that’s ok.
It’s important that you follow your own true values, even if that means going against what your family wants you to do.
It’s impossible to please everyone so don’t even try. It’s a futile endeavor that will only end in frustration and misery. It’s liberating once you stop trying to please everyone. You realize that you can live your life on your own terms despite what other people think.
People who are close to you might be upset that you are no longer trying hard to please them, but they will eventually respect you for it.
If you want to live your best life you need to be your authentic self and stay true to your passions and values, even if this means upsetting people around you. Follow your passion and don’t worry about making other people happy. It’s your life, make the most of it.
“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.” – Lao Tzu
Mentally strong people value their time, and because they value their time, they don’t waste it hanging out with negative people.
Hanging around negative people is simply a waste of time and energy, both of which are valuable resources. This wasted time and energy could be put to better use, like building your business or networking with other like-minded people.
We all know someone who is generally negative. You might refer to them as a Debbie Downer. This kind of person sucks the energy out of the room when they walk in. It’s important that you don’t associate with these people, even if they are friendly. I refer to them as energy vampires because they want to suck up all your vital energy. They feed off of it.
“Don’t let negative and toxic people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick them out.” – Robert Tew
Negative people don’t grow. They are stuck in their ways. Stuck in their daily drama and problems. They don’t seek out solutions, they simply give in to their emotions and try to find someone that they can unleash their negativity out on.
Don’t be a shoulder for them to cry on. This is not your job. Your job is to be your best self, remember?
The only way to be your best self is to spend time with other people who also want to be their best selves. These people will encourage you and help you to accomplish your goals. They want to see you succeed. If you find someone like this, hold on to them and never let go.
Nothing good can come from ruminating about the past. Even if you start by thinking of a good past memory, you will inevitably think of a negative one.
There’s nothing wrong with learning from past failures but don’t spend too much time thinking about them. Write down what you did wrong and how you can learn from it, and then let it go.
Mentally strong people don’t spend time ruminating about their past. They recognize that the past is the past and the only way to be happy is to live in the present.
I know this sounds like a cliché but there is serious research to back this up.
Researchers from Greece conducted a study in which they asked 413 participants to complete several surveys. These surveys measured their time perspectives and their overall wellbeing. Their data showed that people who were most satisfied with their lives were focused on experiencing pleasure in the present moment. Those that spent time ruminating were often depressed and anxious.
This should come as no surprise. Most of us recognize that when we are feeling depressed, we are often thinking about the past.
Make peace with the past and continue moving forward. You can only control what you do today, in this moment.
It’s ok if you’ve failed in the past. Failure is inevitable and it won’t be the last time you fail so you better get used to it.
Mentally strong people are able to look at their past failures and learn from them. Don’t see failure as something that is bad, look at failure as an opportunity to learn and get better.
Some of the best advice I ever got was from one of my mentors who told me that “success is a marathon not a sprint”. Truer words were never spoken.
Whether you are trying to build a business, lose weight, learn an instrument, or trying to raise your credit score, these things take time.
In fact, anything that is worth while takes time.
It’s easy to get caught up in the instant gratification world we live in today. Technology is making everything more convenient and quicker.
I remember when I used to wait a week to receive something in the mail, now it’s 1 to 2 days at most.
The instant gratification that technology offers us is a double-edged sword. On one end it makes our lives easier, on the other it’s training us to expect everything immediately.
Mentally strong people know that success in anything takes time and effort. There is no such thing as an over night success so don’t even entertain the idea.
Even people who come out of no where and appear to achieve success over night, often put in years of hard work and sacrifice.
We never hear about all the work that goes into an “overnight success” because it’s not very sexy.
Mentally strong people show up every single day. They understand that every day of hard work will get them one step closer to achieving their goal.
Don’t get caught up with the end result. This is a sure-fire way to get frustrated and discouraged.
Instead, fall in love with the process. This way you will show up every day and put in the work no matter what.
“All I would say is that I find joy in the gym because every rep and every set is getting me one step closer to my goal.” – Arnold Schwarzenegger
When I applied this approach to my weight training everything changed. I no longer cared about looking a certain way or lifting a certain amount. I fell in love with the process of working out and getting better every day.
As a result, I genuinely love working out and I rarely miss a day.
Mentally strong people value their time and as a result they don’t like to waste it. This is one of the most important aspects of developing grit.
In today’s social media driven world, our attention is constantly being pulled in different directions. Whether it’s checking Facebook or watching another video on YouTube, we live in a distracted world.
The ability to stay focused on just one thing has become a super power. It’s said that humans now have the attention span of a gold fish. Whether this is true or not, we know that we are easily distracted.
“I have so much that I want to do. I hate wasting time.” – Stephen Hawking
It takes mental strength to ignore the urge to check social media or watch TV. These technologies are very tantalizing and often very hard to ignore. Every time you resist the urge to check Instagram or ignore that incessant notification bell, you are developing your mental strength.
We all have 24 hours in a day. Mentally strong people make the most of every minute. They schedule their day so that they are maximizing their productivity.
If you want to maximize your productivity and eliminate wasted time, get a journal and write down everything that you do during the day along with the time.
If you take a break, write it down. If you check Facebook write it down. If you talk to a co-worker, write it down.
This way you will be able to track everything that you did during the day and see where you wasted time. You might be shocked at what you find, I know I was!
“If you can’t measure it, you can’t improve it.” -Peter Drucker
If you can eliminate just 1 hour of wasted time each day of the week, that adds up to 20 extra hours a month!
Imagine what you could get done with that extra time. Imagine how much more productive you will be then your co-workers.
Does this mean I can never check social media again?
No, don’t worry. This doesn’t mean that you can never check social media or watch TV again but be selective about it. Treat it like every other task and schedule a time for it.
Remember time is money. If a co-worker came up to you and took 20 bucks out of your wallet you would probably be upset. But if that same co-worker walked over to your desk and you talked about their favorite show on Netflix for 20 minutes you probably wouldn’t be upset.
You are losing a valuable asset in both scenarios. Time is your greatest asset of all. It’s a finite resource and can’t you make any more of it. So, treat time with a little more care and it will repay you tenfold.
Final Thoughts
In order to become successful in any area of your life you need to develop mental strength. Mental strength, also called grit, is one of the most common characteristics among successful people.
In fact, researchers believe that mental strength out weights intelligence and talent when it comes to high achievement.
Having mental strength means having the ability to preserve through obstacles and challenges in order to accomplish your goals.
I have come up with a list of 7 things that mentally strong people DON’T do, here they are:
- They Don’t Feel Sorry for Themselves
- They Don’t Shy Away from Failure
- They Don’t Try to Please Everyone
- They Don’t Hang out With Negative People
- They Don’t Dwell on Past Failures
- They Don’t Expect Immediate Success
- They Don’t Waste Time
There you have it. The 7 things that mentally strong people DON’T do. I encourage you to pick one from the list and give it a try for a week. If you have a journal takes notes and track your progress.
The good news is that anyone can develop mental strength. It’s not a superpower that only the lucky few among us possess.
Think of mental strength or grit as a muscle. It’s something that you must practice daily for it to grow stronger.
If you start by implementing the 7 things from this list, you will be well on your way to developing super human levels of mental strength.
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